Baby Boomer Dating Advice
Here're some good rules for the road when you're jumping back into the world of dating:
- Be honest about your single status and emotional availability. It's not nice to fib about your single status or intentions. Don't hurt innocent women or men who're emotionally honest and vulnerable. Remember, fibbing about your current status makes you a lowly coward. Lying about your emotional availability makes you a candidate for therapy.
- Don't make up a lame excuse about why you're not going to follow up after a first date. Use common decency and manners. If you meet someone and don't want to continue seeing them, simply pick up the phone and say it was a pleasure to meet them, but you'd like to remain friends. Be honest and straightforward. It's good manners, good character and the other person will certainly appreciate your honesty.
- Conversely, don't take a refusal to continue personally. Not everyone in the world's supposed to be attracted to you - and vice versa. Never sulk. And for goodness sake, don't say anything nasty to someone who said they weren't interested in you. Simply, move on, be gracious about it and look forward to finding your special someone.
- Don't assume who'll pay for what. The tradition has been the man always pays for the woman. But, traditions are changing and some men are starting to feel taken advantage of. This is especially true if there's never any reciprocity, or if the dinners and outings are extremely expensive. Women and men should discuss cost sharing before going out.
- Don't whisper promises and endearments, and then disappear. If you hit it off, great. Don't be too romantic and promise the moon, because each of us has feelings that can get hurt. Be honest, and be careful about what you say, when you say it and how you say it. Always remember: Would you want someone acting and talking to you like you're talking to them?
Ask Dr. Schwartz
Q:
Can I ever be as confident, self-assured to others as I try to see myself? You see, I was in a terribly abusive long-term relationship. I try very hard to put the horror behind me. However, sometimes I'm very confused when it comes to knowing how to act or what to expect from a normal relationship. I've been celibate for about four years, and I want to change that. Still, I'm scared there's nobody normal will like me.
A:
You should join some groups whereby engaging in an activity, you'll get to know people quite well. Examples would be a volunteer for your local children's hospital, hiking, biking, a running club, lecture series, dance group, etc. What you are looking for is a place where you have the opportunity to interact with people. You should relax, be yourself and simply enjoy other people's company without worrying about sex or even dating.
As people get to like you, and you begin to trust them, you will have more self confidence in who you are becoming. You can watch the results as people will talk to you more easily. You'll feel confident talking about something these people are also interested in. Please remember that not all romantic partners are abusive. You will most likely meet people who're exceptionally sensitive, caring and honorable. You'll need some good new acquaintances to help you make the past memories particular to a specific relationship, rather than in general to all relationships.
Once you've made good friends and have been involved in different kinds of groups, your instincts for picking out who is a good person are better and will improve. You’ll feel more at ease looking at the people online, like at PerfectMatch.com, and seeing which ones best suit your values and comfort level. As you progress and utilize PerfectMatch's search tools, your selections will become easier.
Rest assured, many people go through a celibate phase when the emotional life has been especially punishing. However, you don't have to suffer this cost for the rest of your life. When you find the right person, you will look back on your relationship with only the fondest of memories!
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