Finding Your Perfect Match...After 50
I've talked to women and men in their mid-70s who're now dating…and enjoying it! I've talked to women and men in their 60s who found life to be as passionate at that age, as it was 20 years earlier. In both of these numerous examples, it didn't mean they found it with someone much younger then themselves. These women and men I've talked to in their 50s, 60s and 70s went looking for a companion in their own age group. They were looking for someone of their generation, someone who understood what their life had been and shared fundamentally important experiences.
Love absolutely isn't dead after 50. Neither is passion or commitment. Also realize love doesn't come looking for you like it did in your 20s. You have to go after it, with determination, clear headedness and resolution there's someone out there who's waiting for you.
For those of you out there who are older, who are restarting the search for a relationship and aren't too sure you should be doing it, or if you can even find someone, listen: Believe in yourself and work hard at this most significant phase of your life. Utilize PerfectMatch.com's leading edge tools and you'll find someone to love. And most importantly, you'll find someone who'll love you equally in return!
Ask Dr. Schwartz
Q:
Once again, I went on another hopeful meeting with a new man who seemed to have the matching answers I was looking for. I find once I ask about their marriage break-up, I get to see their true personality quite clear. I am disappointed when I see a lack of respect towards women, and I hear things like, "...you women got yourself into trouble when you got into women's liberation..." and other ignorant statements. I am 58 and I think it's the age thing. Any ideas? Thanks.
A:
I think you have to put your values in your profile. Make sure when you email back and forth, the guy you are corresponding with gets a sense of what's important to you, and you get the same information back. Usually, if you look closely at someone's written material, there are key words which should give you pause. These words, or phrases, are worth asking about when you start talking on the phone. Here are some variations on common themes to look out for:
"I want a woman who knows how to please a man." Could be a harmless response, but it usually indicates he's thinking of a "woman as servant" vs. a "woman as partner".
"I want someone who will join me and do all the things I like to do." Quite a few of the men's profiles indicate if he joins up with a woman, she will have to fit into his lifestyle and activities. However, he will not fit into hers at all. A man who has liberal attitudes about gender roles will probably says something like, "I like (fill in the blank), but you don't need to do those things, although it would be a plus."
"No money hungry, dependent woman looking for a free ride need apply". I see some version of this a lot. I understand some men have been treated unfairly and others had to pay a lot of money to their ex-wives. Either may be unfair, or just seem unfair. But to assume every woman is looking for a "sugar daddy" shows a lot of unresolved hostility and you probably want to stay away from those guys.
"I am conservative, or I am "very conservative". This is part of the checklist of characteristics and usually applies to politics. While not all men who are politically conservative are conservative in their home life, the two go together quite often. You might want to ask just WHAT he is conservative about.
There are other indicators, but you get my point. Read carefully, and ask questions. Make it clear you are a feminist, or support some feminist ideas, in your profile. It is better to weed out people who aren't on your wave length sooner than later. This is one of those areas were similarity of view point is essential. Be clear right from the start and you won't have these disappointing dates any more.
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