Is it important to have a shared value system with a potential mate?
There are values and ideals that each of us hold dear and therefore, it is ideal that your potential mate share those values you hold dear. They may be our Christian beliefs or our attitude toward the environment or the way we treat other people. These are values and ideals we strive to uphold in our daily lives. At PerfectMatch.com we identify Christian values and ideals that, when considered in the matching process, help create deep, intimate and long-term relationships. Often, when people say they have found their soul mate, what they are really saying is that they have found someone with whom they are totally comfortable. That comfort level often means that their most important values and ideals are respected by their partner.
Ask Dr. Schwartz
Q:
Hi! I'm a 52-year-old Christian woman. About four days ago, I was contacted by a 59-year-old male. Should I suggest we go out for coffee? Or, should I wait for him to make the first move? I don't want to appear too forward. I've never done this before, so I'm very hesitant. I'm sure he would suggest it since he hasn't stopped emailing me, right?
A:
The rules have changed. These days, it's just as good for a woman to suggest taking the next step as it is for a man. In fact, some men prefer it because they don't want a woman to feel pressured.
Emailing is great. However, if it goes on too long without a cup of coffee being proposed, one or both people may feel this isn't going to lead anywhere and they may disconnect. Here's your approach. Show him you are interested and you'd like to take the next step to meet somewhere for about half an hour. This won't scare him, unless: (1) he is really worried about online relationships and hasn't quite figured out how to make it real yet; or (2) he is a lot different than he says he is, which means you don't want to know him anyway!
Once you have had the first meeting, it's ok for either of you to suggest a second one. The only thing to watch is to make sure you are getting happy, interested vibes from him. If he is still acting hesitant about setting anything up, or expressing interest in you, then let him make the next move. People have different comfort levels about how to move forward. Once you've shown your interest, you need to wait for encouraging words and actions from him.
Welcome to this brave new Internet world! I am delighted you are here! It is a great place for people in their 50's, 60's and beyond. You may be meeting your true love right now. But, if he isn't the one, there are others. Don't get worried if he turns out to be nice, but not the guy you want. Once you get used to the new methods of getting to know someone online, it will all feel comfortable. There is no problem being forward and honest in your feelings. In fact, it will make it more likely you will meet someone special in your life.
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